Wow, someone actually clicked on that link? My mind, it boggles. Well, since you're here, please sit for a moment and let me show you what we have for sale - there's a super-special on these self-sharpening knives, this week only! They're versatile and keen, available in bulk, all for the low, low price of...

Ah, sorry. I think I was a door-to-door salesman in a past life.

Odd as it may seem, given my random flights of fancy and peculiar ideas, my work has indeed been published over the past few years. Among other things, I've written articles and short creative pieces for UNBSJ's newspaper, The Baron, and my essays have appeared in UNB Fredericton's The Journal of Student Writing. I've brought home prizes for both my fiction and my academic work, though the latter has received more attention, earning me the Douglas Gold Medal, which is UNB's most prestigious undergraduate award. Basically, yes, people think I'm good, and my name is recognized within the little circles I've been paddling across. My eventual goal is to land a position as a writer or editor in Toronto, preferably for the sort of publication that will appreciate my somewhat outlandish taste in clothing and hair, but for the moment, I'm available for contract work.

My skills include, but are not limited to: editing (of all kinds of work: technical, scholarly and creative), storyboarding (for commercials, comics, etc.), plot design (for games, mainly), short fiction, magazine-style articles, and technical writing. Examples of creative work are available on this site, and I have a collection of newspaper articles, essays, and summaries of game plots available, should they be desired. In essence, if it involves the written word, I am likely capable of it - and I am notorious for working quickly. Most of my essays, including the one that earned me a gold medal to wear around my neck like a ridiculous piece of academic bling-bling, are written over the span of days, and few creative pieces require more than a day or two. It all depends on the content, of course, and your specifications; however, you can expect rapid, high-quality work.

As I have no real professional credit under my belt yet, I am for the most part extremely flexible about pricing. If you're seeking writing or editing for non-profit use (eg., to post on a website or as part of a free publication), I will often accept trades - that is, a commissioned piece of art in return for my work, or a posted advertisement leading back to this site - and, on rare occasions, will do it for free if the content appeals to me. However, if the service is for a company, I expect to be paid fairly. The price depends, of course, on the complexity of the work; if you're interested in hiring me, please e-mail me at noximist@gmail.com with a description of what you're looking for, and how you plan to use it. I'll get back to you with a price quote, unless you name your own price (which is fine!), in which case I'll let you know if it's acceptable to me or not.

Looking for an intro to a professional website? A background story for a character? A contribution to a publication? The editing skills of an English graduate student? Bizarre stories tailored to you, for no reason except the love of language? I'd be glad to help!